He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
