just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
