My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
