Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
