How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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