Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
