I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think i have two assholes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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