Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
birth control should be required to get into college
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
