Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
