he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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