Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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