That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
