Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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