Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
