google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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