God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
