Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
