we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
