dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
