She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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