My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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