she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
