did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
