Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
