the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
