Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
