all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
