i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
His nipple licking is glorious
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