told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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