i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
