my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
