You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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