Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
