i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
