It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
