I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
