I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
