wanna go halves on a baby?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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