Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
