census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
