i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
