k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
