Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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