apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
