brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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