my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
