at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
