I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
