Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
