so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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